Gazzetta Football Scozia

"I just sensed Fir Park was the right place for me, even though I was extremely tempted to go to Germany with Dortmund."

I'd never heard of this kid Brian Kerr until a month or two ago - I was extremely confused seeing his name listed in the recent Scotland squads and was worried we'd picked the Ireland manager. Where did he come from? According to the Motherwell website he signed up with Newcastle United as a kid, and has been with them since, excepting some loan spells to Coventry (sent to Coventry - you think he'd take the hint?) and Livi.

He's probably a decent player, albeit with a startling lack of ambition - Paul Lambert turned into a world-beater once he stepped through the gates of the Westfalenstadion. With consistent first-team action he may become a solid Scotland squad player; but my thought on reading this news was, how many other talented Scottish players are wasting away in the reserve sides of top English teams? And are they likely to stay there, given the penniless and perilous state of the SPL right now?

Read - BBC Sport | Football | Kerr joins Motherwell
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Scotland's worst newspaper is now online... at least an abbreviated version of it is. As you'd expect from DC Thomson, the website is mince.

The right-wing crypto-fascist rag does at least provide some comedy, albeit unintentionally, in "The Doc" column where a reader asks:

"I’ve smoked for over 50 years and have had a cough for at least two years. Could it be related?"

You couldn't make it up...

Don't Read - The Sunday Post
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Gazzetta Football Scozia has come into possession of a tape recording of a conversation between Rangers' Alex McLeish and Dundee Chief Executive Peter Marr. Marr recently knocked back a lowball #250k bid for Novo by Rangers, and this conversation occurred yesterday between the two, illustrating the desperate financial handcuffs placed on the Ibrox manager.

McLeish: "Peter?"
Marr: "Alex - are you prepared to talk some sense now?"
McLeish: "The big boss has fun' some mair dough. How does three-fifty sound?"
Marr: "I told you last time - five hundred or no deal."
McLeish: "Four hunner?"
Marr: "No - five."
McLeish: "We've just no got that kind o' money. Can ah tempt ye wi' a few non-pecuniary incentives?"
Marr: "Eh?"
McLeish: "We'll chuck in some ither stuff."
Marr: "Oh. Like what?"
McLeish: "A copy of Gazza's book."
Marr: " "
McLeish: "Signed?"
Marr (sighing): "No."
McLeish: "A season ticket?"
Marr: "No."
McLeish: "One fir yer brar as well?"
Marr: "No."
McLeish: "Mr Murray says he'll help ye with yer accoonts..."
Marr: "We've just got them straight - we're not letting that cowboy near our books."
McLeish: "I can get ye intae the masons...?"
Marr (sounds interested): "Does that help with the referees?"
McLeish: "Naw, no really - the Tims ur jist paranoid aboot that."
Marr (disappointed): "Oh. No, then."
McLeish: "Man, ye're pure killin' us here, Peter. Gies a break!"
Marr: "Well, OK then. Four hundred thousand pounds; a signed copy of Gazza's book; a fifty pound voucher for the Rangers Shop; and you get me a dinner date with Ally McCoist."
McLeish (excited): "Really?"
Marr: "No. I've told you a hundred times: five hundred thousand and we have a deal."
McLeish: "Howz about if we gie ye Boab Malcolm an aw?"
Marr: "OK, OK; now we're talking."
McLeish: "Really?"
Marr: "Aye. Make it seven hundred thousand and we'll take that diddy off your hands." (chuckles)
McLeish, off to the side: "See Andy I telt ye he wouldnae fall for that."
McLeish: "Ricksen?"
Marr: "Now you're the one taking the piss. I'm hanging up."
McLeish: "F*ck you, I never liked the Smiths anyway..." [click]

Read - The Herald
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One of the leading experts on Scottish football finances agrees with my premise that the SPL would be better off without Rangers and Celtic; while there would be less money floating around, teams would not be overspending to try to compete with the Glasgow giants, so financial stability would be introduced, as well as real competition.

What would be interesting is a comparison of an OF-less league's potential revenue with (say) the Irish or Welsh leagues - because the one argument often put forward against Rangers & Celtic leaving is that we'd be left with a third-rate league like the League of Wales. My guess is that wouldn't come to pass and it would be more comparable with the English Nationwide League, with the likes of the jambos being a D1 equivalent team and Livi being a D3 equivalent team.

Also factor in the possibility of Rangers & Celtic fielding second-string teams in the rump Scottish league, and continued OF appearance in the Cup tournaments, and there's a decently healthy picture there.


Read - Sporting Life
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The BBC has a service on its site to provide Playstation-like replays of all goals from Euro 2004.

It's really cool because as well as selecting different static camera angles, you can choose the viewpoint of different players on the pitch - so you can see how a Thierry Henry goal looks to Zinedine Zidane.

Unfortunately for our friends from the south, the Sol Campbell "goal" against Portugal is included, and you can clearly see John Terry bundling over Ricardo...

BBC Sport | Football | Euro 2004 | Virtual replay [Note - this will direct you to download Macromedia Shockwave if you do not have it installed - you need this to view the goals.]

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A derivation of The Streets' "Fit but you know it", composed for the English football nation...

Shit but you don't know it - mp3 [cheers again Kenny]

Pure genius. Get the original pirate material from Amazon or the iTunes music store while you're at it.
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That famous moment when Norway beat England in 1981... well, famous in Norway and Scotland, at least. [Lord Beaverbrook?]

Listen - mp3 [cheers Kenny]

I heard a similar tale back in 1990 when Airdrie (then a decent side) travelled north to take on Inverness Caley (still Highland League and pre-Thistle merger) in the Scottish Cup. It ended up going to extra-time and penalties, which Caley won. An ecstatic local journalist pressed into Radio Scotland commentary for the day was going mental at the end, and his final summary was along the lines of, "The players are on the pitch, the fans are on the pitch, I think I'm off down to join them myself, goodnight!"

Read - Caley Nostalgia

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There was another pin-striped salmon-pink number in the late 80s, but I think this one tops it. What were they thinking?

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The climax of Hamlet doesn't come at the end, with the swordfight between Hamlet and Laertes; most observers feel it occurs nearer the middle, when the melancholy one decides that Claudius is guilty - during the play-within-a-play. The remainder of the tale is simply a sequence of events leading from that decision. Hamlet follows the classic Shakespearean five-act structure: exposition, rising action, climax, falling action, catastrophe.

Tonight I just watched a tired, casual, lackadaisical France side lose to a decent - but far from outstanding - Greece team. Martin Tyler made a comment about witnessing the end of a great France team, which was fair; but I would argue we were merely witnessing the catastrophe.

The climax of this tale occurred at half-time in the Stade de France on Wednesday 27th March, 2002, when France were leading Scotland 4-0. After this, tonight's outcome was inevitable, if not predictable.

Think back to this time: France were World and European Champions; they had Zidane, by far the world's best player, leading their team; Thierry Henry had just scored one of the best goals you're ever likely to see; and to top this off they were routing Scotland, Scotland, by four clear goals.

At half-time, whether consciously or not, the French squad all had the same thought: "We've done it all; it doesn't get better than this."

Subsequently - the falling action - they crashed winless out of WC2002 and have performed dismally at Euro2004; Zidane looks to be going the way of Figo; and les Arsenal bleus are looking a tired set of players indeed. And as noted earlier, tonight's result was just the catastrophe, in the true Shakespearean sense.

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Population of Scotland: 5.1m

Population of Denmark: 5.38m

Number of times Scotland have qualified for major tournament in last 30 years, % of times reached second round: 8, 0

Number of times Denmark have qualified for major tournament in last 30 years, % of times reached second round: 9, 66.66

Scotland's FIFA ranking, May 2004: 55

Denmark's FIFA ranking, May 2004: 15

Words used in Lonely Planet description of Scotland: brass-monkey, feisty, opinionated

Words used in Lonely Planet description of Denmark: Vikings, progressive, tolerance

Henrik Larsson's estimated weekly earnings at Celtic: 38,000 GBP

Henrik Larsson's estimated income from testimonial game vs Seville: 600,000 GBP

Number of times in published SPL fixture list when Aberdeen and Inverness Caley Thistle have clashing fixtures at Pittodrie: 3

Result of 2004 OVD Scottish Junior Cup Final between Carnoustie Panmure and Tayport: 0-0

After extra-time and penalties: 4-1

Father of winning penalty-taker: David Narey

Cousin of Steven Narey's team-mate: Christian Dailly

Average goals scored by Scotland against Brazil in World Cup Finals: 0.5

Average goals conceded: 1.75

Number of Scotland's top 25 earners who are football players, managers, or chairmen: 12

Number of Scotland's top 25 earners who are employed in public service: 0

Contents of text message sent by Billy Williamson at 4:33AM local time on Friday 25 June from Bangkok to New York: Yeeeeessssssss!!!!!!!!!!

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Outraged Italian Celtic supporters are using their extensive excuse-making experience to fortify Italy's case against exclusion from Euro 2004 for being crap.

Azzurri spokesman Stereotipo Tifosi commented: "While Italy were rubbish, and couldn't beat either of the Nordic teams while barely managing to scrape a win against an average Bulgaria team missing two of its key players, we feel there must be other forces - dark forces - at play in eliminating our team from the tournament, just like in 2002 when we lost to South Korea after choosing, and failing, to defend a 1-0 lead."

"I understand that Celtic have a long tradition of blaming their failures on masons, referees, masonic referees, the SFA, "lying-down" Dunfermline players, the Daily Record and the Sunday Mail, injuries, Jim Farry, masons, the state of the Stark's Park pitch, masonic groundskeepers at Stark's Park, Jorg Albertz, the BBC, Maurice Johnston, Graeme Souness, protestants, masons, Strathclyde Police, masons in the Strathclyde Police, the Orange Order, Ian Paisley, Her Majesty the Queen, and Buddha."

"We feel that at least some of these excuses can be usefully invoked in our cause, which won't change a thing but will help sell a lot of capuccino and cigarettes in Italy while the tifosi read their Gazzettas (*) and gesticulate at each other."
(*) the inferior Italian one

Paolo di Canio was contacted by Gazzetta but could not comment as he was foaming at the mouth.

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Otada Dado Prso potpisan za Skitnica , Račun je postati oduševljen za što podržanih od dana Hrvatski narodni sprega , i stoga ponuda njegov podrška to sprega noćašnji in njihov napor to sezanje drugu okrugao predmet dana Europski Prvenstvo. Doći Hrvatski!

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1. Bring back Bob Holness for a game of Blockbuster: John Robertson on his own, up-and-down, against Derek Whyte & Gerry Britton, across.
   Pro: someone gets to say "Can I have a P please, Bob?"
   Con: Footballers aren't very smart, so it might need more than half an hour.


2. A duel between the chairmen - pistols at dawn outside the main stand at Hampden.
   Pro: TV rights could be sold with money given to the losing club.
   Con: Duelling is supposed to resolve disputes between men of honour, so may not be appropriate here.


3. Both teams refuse to take a place in the SPL next season, leaving it with 11 teams.
   Pro: Annoys Lex Gold.
   Con: Will result in more silliness around the end-of-season 'split'.


4. Partick Thistle enter the Highland League.
   Pro: Jaggies would be favourites to bag a real trophy.
   Con: Where is Deveronvale?


5. Square go between the two playing squads. Suggested neutral venue, Jackie O's nightclub in Kirkcaldy.
   Pro: Good publicity for ailing Fife dance scene.
   Con: Several Inverness players barred after night out last season.


6. Eeny-meeny-miny-mo.
   Pro: Age-old solution to selection problems.
   Con: Needs neutral eeny-meeny-miny-mo-er.


7. Merge the clubs to become Inverness Partick Caley Thistle Thistle.
   Pro: Could be nicknamed "Thistle Squared" and have a cool logo like "T²" which is a bit like Arsenal's "O₂" - that can't be bad.
   Con: Home games would have to be in Fort William.


8. Blow up Dundee (bit radical, this one).
   Pro: Eliminates two teams, allowing both Thistles in the SPL, and Falkirk to boot, rectifying historical outrages.
   Cons: None, really. It's all good.


9. My mum invites both clubs to tea, on separate days, and then picks the nicest one.
   Pro: Losing club gets a nice prawn cocktail, roast beef, and some trifle.
   Con: Dinner table only seats 8 or 9 so some people will have to sit in the porch. (It has a nice view though, and you can still hear the conversation if you open the sliding doors.)


10. Publish a set of rules and stick to them.
    Pro: Sensible, fair, standard practice for a hundred years.
    Con: Impossibly difficult for the men running the top Scottish league.

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Clearly recent postings were the inspiration for the "Rivalry not racism" article. I think I might start a campaign on this - "Keep rivalry in football" or some such. Are you with me or against me?

Read - Scotsman Football

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Billy has dug deep in the moist underworld of Scottish football to bring you the following:

• RIVALDO TO CELTIC! Only joking. I think that one was a bad idea for the Tims that's deader than the deadest dead thing in Deadwood


• Dominic Matteo to Celtic on #37k a week - have they got a new biscuit tin? Perhaps to replace Mjallby who may be back off to Sweden


• Swiss Euro 2004 flop (I predict...) Alexander Frei to Celtic; had this been the true biscuit-tin era at Parkhead I could have made a joke about 'Frei' meaning 'free' but even that simple pleasure is denied me these days as they're mentioning a #2m fee


• Nacho Novo out of Dundee to either Celtic (stepped in with an "inquiry"), Rangers (trying to steal him cheap), or one of several mysterious "English bidders" who are offering twice what Rangers offered - aye that'll float in a toilet bowl


• Julian Speroni - off to somewhere, probably Crystal Palace if they grow a pair of balls and remove the numerous conditions from their #500k bid - he'll terrify Premiership forwards with his frightening fizzog (rumour has it this is why Steven Gerrard has asked for a move)


• Mikel Arteta on the cusp of a move back to Basque country, if Real Sociedad are in the Basque country, there don't seem to be many Xs and Zs in their name - they'll need to up their 2.4m bid though (ie. double it, cheeky Signor Fecker)


• More scurrilously, Barry Ferguson's wife apparently is not settling in Blackburn - maybe she should try Burnley? - and they've tested the waters to see if the Gers will take him back - long-shot at best I'd say


• Scott Severin to move south to England once the right offer comes in, not north to Aberdeen, sorry Mr Calderwood


• Charlie Miller making a spectacular U-turn by agreing to new contract terms, so after not leaving the Arabs, he won't be returning to them either


• Here's one I made up earlier: Ian Harte to Celtic. You won't read that in the papers

Billy had to read the Record for one or two of these. Billy feels dirty now - but Billy does it because Billy loves you.

Read - Guardian - Dominic Matteo

Don't read - Record Sport

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If Gazzetta were anti-English it would publish this joke:

Q: Why do the English make better lovers than the French?
A: Because the English can stay on top for 90 minutes and still come second.

But because that joke is anti-English we will not publish it.

However, both my nephew and niece are Swiss (well, Scots-American-Swiss) so for the honour of the Williamson family I will be supporting the cowbell-tinklers tonight.

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Please note that I reprint this purely as a device to stimulate debate around the patriotic bias of certain sections of this nation's media, further to recent posts in Gazzetta.

Interesting to see that the the Crack of Dawn TA have their own poll which shows 87% of respondents will not be supporting England in Euro 2004. Clearly a more objective sample than the 59% pro-England quoted by certain sections of our media!

[Seriously - maybe a fair proportion of people living in Scotland are pro-England; I'd even believe a fair proportion of Scots living in Scotland are pro-England; but there's no way half the football supporters in Scotland are pro-England.]

No idea who Dawn is but she must have some pair of low-riders to get a TA named after her.

Crack of Dawn Tartan Army

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This article is headlined "Scots fly the flag for Auld Enemy" but it doesn't cite a single instance of a Scottish person supporting England, only canny pub-owners taking their money, so I'm not really sure what the author's point is.

However if anyone out there knows either of the two dimwitted slappers pictured in England tops, ask them what the f*ck they think they're doing.

Read - Scotsman

PS. Russel, before you start, get it right up ye

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I'm a few days behind the times, I know, but this article from the Sporting Life is very interesting, especially given my rant against the Champions League money distribution.

I've long maintained that the Old Firm need to break out of the Scottish league for the benefit of all involved - to keep the two big clubs competitive at a pan-European level (by having access to serious TV money, basically) and to re-introduce the notion of competition to the Scottish league - without the OF there would be an engaging tussle for the championship, with not much separating top from bottom.

PSV chairman Harry van Raay had the genesis of a solution a few years back with his "Atlantic League" (or given that he's Dutch maybe it was the "Atlaantic League"). This recognised the fact that the "Scottish situation" is happening all over the smaller nations in Europe - in each of Holland, Belgium, Portugal, Denmark, Sweden, Norway there are two or three teams that dominate, and because of structural factors these teams are increasingly less competitive in the Champions League and, to a lesser extent, the UEFA Cup.

The Atlantic League would have taken these teams out of their domestic league competition and placed them in a league of their own; this would have the status of a Serie A or Premiership, consisting of the likes of Ajax, PSV, Brugge, Anderlecht, Porto, Benfica, Rangers, Rosenborg, Celtic...

The plan was shot down because UEFA, in their infinite wisdom, fail to see the problem; and more justifiably because this league would be a closed-shop: no way for up-and-coming teams to get in, or down-and-outs to be pushed, well, down and out.

My proposed solution would be to have the bottom two or three teams engage in a playoff (details TBD - either a knockout or mini-league) against the champions of the various 'feeder' leagues; this would ensure, say, Hearts could get in at the expense of, say, Sporting Lisbon. Thus the composition of the Atlantic League would change nationality over time, and good teams would get in on merit.

[Taking this even further, this model could be introduced to other regions in Europe - say, the Balkans/Greece/Turkey; Central/Eastern Europe; possibly Scandinavia on its own. Thus the big countries have their own league, and smaller nations band together to form leagues of comparable weight - as measured in TV audience, or TV dollars.]

This new proposal - and I hope the muppet Lex Gold is not the one proposing it to Lennart Johansson - appears to be a halfway house in this direction. It has the merits of keeping teams involved in their domestic leagues, at least for half the season, and it also provides 100% merit-based 'promotion' to the Euroleague - another plus.

Lots of details need to be worked out, and it could be a dog's breakfast, but it's heartening to know people are still working at this - I thought it was all a dead duck. I hope UEFA are warm on the proposal and it is taken further. It's definitely workable.

Read - Sporting Life

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A number of years ago, just after I had moved to New York, I had lunch with an English friend and an American I didn't really know. Somehow the subject of France's wealth tax came up in conversation; the American didn't understand what a wealth tax was. When we explained - basically you have to pay a small percentage of your net wealth (as opposed to income) to the government, the guy was incredulous - he couldn't believe such a tax existed. "That's such a disincentive to get rich," was his argument, which I didn't really buy.

Since his "election" in 2000, the Bush regime has passed tax reform abolishing inheritance tax; all but eliminating capital gains taxes; and reducing dividend taxes substantially. If a wealth tax had existed, it would have been the first to go. The neo-conservative claim is that this reform is wealth-producing... capital invested wisely should not be penalised.

A side-effect - or more likely the intended effect - of these tax reforms is that a new class of American is being created; a super-wealthy multi-generational aristocracy. Money in the bank can be invested to create more money; capital gains and dividends are taxed very lightly, much more lightly than were that income to be truly earned; and the assets can be passed from generation to generation without diminution. What it means in practice is that a rich family can be assured that its descendants will continue to be rich; while workers will pay income tax to support the state.

Reading this article in the Herald, I see a parallel in pan-European football. Big nations get more money from TV rights, because the nations are, well, big. So they can buy better players than teams in the small leagues; so they can compete on advantageous terms in European competition; so they can win more automatic places into the Champions League, increasing their take of the total pot, and returning to the top of the circle of events.

The spiral means that England, Spain, Italy, Germany, and France will continue to dominate the European game. [Sure, Porto won the Champions League this year but anomalies will still happen from time to time, just as the New Firm won a few trinkets in the 80s.] Teams from these five nations find themselves in a privileged position due to the size of their host country; while the rules of the game have evolved, or been evolved, such that the status quo is maintained and even enhanced. Dubya's America, no?

Read - Herald

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Was it Denis Law who said the day England won the World Cup was the worst day of his life? He doesn't seem to fit Graham Spiers somewhat patronising stereotype of the 'little Scotlander' at the end of his latest missive.

I think I've matured in the last few years and no longer indulge in the "we f*cking hate England" chants that still occasionally surface at Scotland games; and these days the "sit down if you hate England" is just a nuisance.

However, there's no way in hell I'll be supporting England in this tournament or any other, for a variety of reasons, including but not limited to: their (minority of) hoolie fans; their (majority of) lager-lout fans; Motty's constant references to/invoking of parallels with 1966; the English tabloid press's irrational belief that England can win the tournament when clearly they're a second-tier player at best; the fact that other teams play much more creative, intelligent, and delightful football;
the borderline-racist stereotyping of opposing nations, and their own nation; the blind optimism of 90% of studio pundits.

I saw a real-life-in-the-flesh example of the latter two in a pub in Petticoat Lane when England played Romania in Euro 2000. It was a do sponsored by Reuters who presumably had paid for Stan Bowles and Rodney Marsh to give a pre-match and half-time talk; Bowles' pre-match summary was no more than "they don't like it up 'em, these foreigners", and at half-time when England were losing it was fine-tuned to become "we'll get stuck in like us English do". Marsh wasn't much better but compared to Bowles, he was like Nelson Mandela.

Allez les bleus... et les Croats... et la Suisse... et tous les autres.

Read - The Herald

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Gazzetta will be quiet for a few days - something to do with a leave-New-York-Monday-morning-get-to-Bangkok-Tuesday-midnight flight (business class though). Also for the next three weeks posting will depend on access to internet cafes in Bangkok, Hua Hin, Ko Tao, and possibly other parts of South-East Asia. Please say you'll miss me.

Read - Lonely Planet Thailand

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Technically, this is just a certificate to guarantee a ticket to all Scotland games in the 2002 World Cup Finals. Unfortunately, we didn't qualify, it never got used, and FIFA refunded me the cost, less a $25 fee.



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The Rangers manager Bill Struth used to hand out the pay packets to his players in unmarked brown envelopes; the significance being every player knew they were getting the same as everyone else, no matter their status. Oh how times have changed.

The departure of a number of players from the SPL to lower leagues in England is a worrying trend; if no-one outside the Old Firm can afford to pay more than an English Third Division wage then our better players will be picked off with ease. You can't even console yourself by saying the youngsters will get a chance, because they'll be picked off soon enough too.

The heart of the matter, as addressed by Fraser Wishart of the SPFA, is bums on seats. When Dunfermline can play attractive football, finish in a UEFA Cup spot, and reach a Cup final but still just scrape an average attendance of 6,000 then there's no way they can afford to have a competitive pay scale.

So what's the answer? Well, tickets at East End Park are #15 or more, so that's a disincentive; but John Boyle tried cutting prices at Motherwell and look where it led them. To me it comes back to the same old thing: people want to see a winning team, and there are only really two teams in Scotland that fit that description. Take the Old Firm out of the league, you'll see competition, people will come back, money will come in, better players will be bought, and you'll have a virtuous circle of improvement. But then you're back to the old chestnut - where do Rangers and Celtic go?

Read - Sunday Herald

PS. Can't believe Gavin Rae is on ten grand a week - surely McLeish could have had him for half that wage! No wonder Rangers are in a hole.

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I got this off a Tartan Army email list but other than that there's absolutely no connection with Scottish football, unless it's a commentary on the SPL promotion/relegation fiasco, which thinking about it, it could well be. If it is: who's taking mushrooms, and who's the snake?

badgerbadgerbadger.com

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Click on 'Downloads' then 'Videoz' (cool spelling with the 'Z') then '2003/04', scroll to the bottom, and rejoice in a German supporter's view of Hampden. Sound is a bit tinny but still pretty f*cking impressive.

If you want more, you can also find home & away Champions League footage of VFB Stuttgart vs. 'England Rangers'. Sadly too many people wish it were so...

Ultraz.de - Die Stuttgarter Fotopage

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Who needs to qualify when you have a site like this. Find out who your second team is - I'm a Portugeezer - and check out Scotland's poor European Championships record with the legendary Arthur Montford.

whatthefaro.com

[thanks Kenny]

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Saddam Hussein is being lined up for a shock release from US custody in Iraq to be allowed to sort out the mess that is Scottish football.

The Aberdeen Chief Executive Keith Wyness yesterday called for a "benevolent dictator" to fix the game north of the border, and Gazzetta can exclusively reveal that behind-the-scenes discussions have already taken place between Scottish First Minister Jack McConnell and United States Vice-President, "He really is a" Dick Cheney.

McConnell sees Hussein as the ideal candidate for a number of reasons, a Labour Party insider tells Gazzetta. "He has extensive executive experience from his years of dicatatorship, and never courted popularity during his time leading Iraq. Decisions were made, and while they weren't always the right ones, no-one disagreed because they would be tortured, executed, and dumped in a mass grave. This is exactly the type of strong leadership that is needed in the SPL." Gazzetta also understands that Saddam is considered to be a clinically insance sociopath and prone to entirely irrational decision-making, which is likely to secure him the backing and respect of several SPL chairman.

Surprisingly, Celtic FC have thrown their weight behind the proposal - it is believed they were impressed by Saddam's record on minority rights. Before the illegal US-led occupation that has distracted the world from uniting to attack the real sources of global terrorism, Iraq's minority Sunni population were generally favoured over the majority Shi'a. Celtic FC had no comment to make when called by Gazzetta; Rangers chairman John McLelland could not contact honorary chairman David Murray so he had no comment to make either.

It is believed that a compensation package would not have to be paid to the Iraqi interim government, and because the ageing madman is not currently employed he would be able to start as soon as security arrangements are sorted out.

However McConnell may not get his man as a source within the US occupying forces who has interviewed Saddam tells Gazzetta that he has been following the SPL keenly all season - a copy of the Sunday Mail was among his possessions when he was captured - and was recently heard to comment, "I'd rather rot in a Yankee jail cell than work with Chris Robinson. Jambos in Gorgie forever!"

We need dictator to rescue Scots football, claims Wyness - The Herald
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McCoist was late again but at least it wasn't his fault...

Read - ALLmediascotland.COM (scroll down to the 29th May)
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An interesting store that has a large selection of football bits & pieces. I've dealt with them in the past and can recommend them. Worth a bookmark if you're interested in older football stuff, and if nothing else have a look in the 'shirts' section to see some classic away shirt disasters, which seem mostly to have been perpetrated by Umbro.

Football Heaven - badges, souvenirs and memorabilia.
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So the SPL seem to have outdone themselves again with their decision-making - the vote to keep Caley out of the top league has made a mockery of a league which most observers thought could be mocked no more.

Unlike the editor of the Aberdeen fanzine Red Final in his P&J article, I don't really have a problem with the outcome - it is at least consistent with the SPL's past rulings. Had Caley been judged under the same conditions as Falkirk last year, they wouldn't even have got this far. [And to be honest, I think it would have crippled them financially to fork over #600k and see miniscule crowds in return.]

What is a national disgrace is that the SPL has again shown the sort of corrupt cronyism you'd expect from Glasgow Council or Monklands Labour Party. Turkeys not voting for Christmas isn't quite the right description - it seems Partick did have the honour to abstain - but perhaps the tactics are more high-school playground: It's ma baw and you're no playin'.

The SPL have now got themselves in a position where to be consistent with previous years, they have to keep their closed shop and force everyone to play by the rules that almost bankrupted Partick and kept Falkirk in Division One. They need to quickly - this summer - change those rules so that this nonsense never happens again.

Read - Press and Journal

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