Gazzetta Football Scozia

Is the name of a book by an English dude called Tony Hawks who made a drunken bet that he'd play and beat every one of the Moldovan national soccer team at tennis. A pointless bet, just like his previous effort, "Round Ireland with a Fridge", which is about, well, going round Ireland with a fridge.

I haven't read this book, though I did read the Irish tale - it was OK but a bit too deliberately eccentric, I thought. Might be worth picking this up at the airport to get in the mood before the big game... [Well, it's maybe a big game for the Moldovans?]

Buy the book - amazon.com

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Now I could be all cynical and take the Celtic supporters' spokespeople to task for their "Greatest Fans in the World" pish, but I'm in a good mood so I won't.

Read - Scotsman.com Sport - Football - Director Loach to turn the Bhoys into Eurostars

Sounds like an interesting premise that could turn into a decent segment of the movie. The comment at the end is telling, though - when it comes down to it, would you be willing to miss a big game in an act of charity? I can't think of an occasion when I've done so... I've gone out of my way to get tickets for other people, swapped seats around so mates can be together, but missing the match? Don't think so. Would I? Don't know. What would YOU do? Maybe this video will help you.

Limmy.com Video - What would YOU do? [Warning - sweary words used so don't play at work]
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There's a new kid in town; Amazon have a search engine called A9 which builds upon google and at first blush looks quite sexy and powerful. Go to a9.com and register, at least, and then you get a 1.5% (approximately) discount at anything you buy at amazon.com. [The discount is technically half of the number pi i.e. half of 3.141etcetc - the inside joke being that amazon are "sharing the pi".]

Anyway. The true test of a search engine is what it returns when you type in "Scottish Football" - google's top-ranked page is a site listing availability of manure for farmers in the south-west of Scotland, which shows is why it's a multi-billion dollar company - but a9 returned, among other things, "Boab's Little Piece of Scotland" which is a Dundee-related website. Which is quite apt as this morning I was standing outside the Blue Room waiting to watch the Dundee-Rangers game, but the barman didn't show up, so we were f*cked.

There was a Dundee fan with us; we know him as "Dundee Ed" for obvious reasons. He always turns up for the Dundee games, which is admirable; he's a second-generation Scot so that's even more impressive as you don't always see that loyalty in a US sports fan (which is why a lot of them are attracted to European football). Turns out Ed is one of the brains behind the North America Dundee Supporters Club, which is linked from Boab's site.

Another thing on the site is the story of Bob Shankly - keen Gazzetta readers will remember my encounter with a Dundee steward who took me to task for my ignorance of Bob Shankly. Turns out he was as ignorant as I, for Bob Shankly never played for Dundee, but he managed them during their most successful period - the early 60s when they reached the semi-finals of the European Cup. The account of Shankly's life is fascinating - he was Bill Shankly's brother - I strongly encourage you to read it.

Read - The Bob Shankly Story
Visit - Boab's Little Piece Of Scotland

PS. the thing about google's search result being manure is a lie, but admit it, you believed me, right?

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All very noble so I shouldn't take the piss, but expect Bolivian soccer to plunge down the FIFA rankings in about 15 years' time.

Read - Scotsman Football
Visit The Hibee in Bolivia

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No sooner had I spoken than...

Read - Herald Sport

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Well, he does live in Plymouth so he probably wouldn't worry about the Daily Record headlines.

Read - Observer Sport

But on a more sensible note, one of the beefs I have with the "Vogts must go" brigade (and to a similar extent with the growing "McLeish must go" crowd) is, who do you replace him with? I still haven't seen a satisfactory answer, and Sturrock is as good as any.

As a player, he did as much as any Scotsman of his era - League championship, UEFA Cup Final, European Cup semi-final, and 20 Scotland caps, including the Mexico World Cup. As a manager he was heading in the right direction with Dundee United (I could even be sick and make a joke about heart attacks, but even I can't bring myself to stoop that low), and he did well at Plymouth for a number of years with fairly no-name players. He didn't even do that badly at Southampton.

Gordon Strachan is the clear favourite, but would he take the job? And is he that great a manager? I played Sunday league football with a Coventry fan, and he tells me their fans liked the guy but they were never convinced he was that great a manager, really. He definitely did a good job at Southampton though. Regarding the first question, he's been dropping hints he'd like to try his hand, but he does get linked with Premiership posts and if Keegan gets the sack, wouldn't he prefer that at this stage in his life?

Who else? Souness would never work for the SFA. Too early for Davie Moyes. George Graham is past it; Bruce Rioch? Don't make me laugh. Of the SPL managers, I can't see Levein or Calderwood wanting it, and McLeish won't unless he gets the boot. Jefferies is probably past his best; Davie Hay never really had a best to be past; John Robertson has it still to prove, as does Allan Preston.

Who's left? Walter Smith? Or maybe Terry Butcher... that would be fun.

Or maybe there is someone; a coach who comes with impeccable credentials, at least according to our hackerati's selective memory. He's just been put on the market; he has the World Cup experience, and European Championships too. I am, of course, referring to Craig Brown.

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Minor point but the Mail is claiming Jurgen Klinsmann wants to "break with tradition" by having the World Cup winners open the WC in Germany, not the hosts, which is what Beckenbauer wants.

Fine, except the World Cup winners traditionally do open the finals; remember Scotland played Brazil in 1998? In France?

[I'm guessing this tradition has ended because the winners no longer automatically qualify - so FIFA can't rely on the winners being there to start off the tournament. But the hosts will be there for sure.]

Hold your nose if you click the link.

Don't read - Sunday Mail

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This one's been bugging me for a while.

I am referring to the use of the phrase "ask" to indicate a challenge: "To stay in the SPL - that's a big ask for Inverness Caley Thistle." Usually, as here, it's a "big ask" but I have heard other variations, the most preposterous being a "major ask".

I don't know where it came from; it sounds like a Ron Atkinson thing, but I'm pretty sure that it was Mark Lawrenson that planted it in my brain. [In fact I can hear his whiny voice in my head right now - a fact which worries me, on many levels.]

The use of this is now near plague proportions - I've heard it on Scotsport, I've heard it on Setanta, I've seen it in newspapers, I've even heard it at work! Where did it come from and who decided it was acceptable? When did 'ask' become a noun? What other types of 'ask' are there? Monumental asks? Biblical asks? What if something's easy, does that make it a trivial ask? The possibilities are endless. [Do French commentators say "C'est un grand poser, pour Monaco repeter le succes de leur dernier saison."]

Give me "over the moon, Brian" any day. At least the grammar is correct.

Read - Eats, Shoots, and Leaves

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What a load of pish. "Larsson felt the Celtic supporters were right to jeer him" says the opening sentence; but nowhere does Larsson say this. How dumb do they think we are?

Much as I'd like the story to be true, my sources indicate little more than typical 'stunned silence' for Larsson's goal, and the wee fecker did a Denis Law in terms of not celebrating (though Gio van Bronckhorst was going mental... good on you, Gio).

Read - Sporting Life

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So Tynecastle looks to be on its last legs with the Hearts shareholders voting through a resolution to sell the ground, unless a miracle occurs between now and January.

I saw some highlights of the AGM on Sky Sports News last night; to say the shareholders were angry is like saying that Chris Robinson likes a pie.

A few months ago it looked promising for the Jambos - MP George Foulkes' appointment seemed to promise a fresh look at the situation - but it seems to have been more of a PR stroke by the Pieman to buy some time. Foulkes appears to be a complete patsy; maybe he's being kept in the dark, or maybe he's just not asking the right questions. Either way, if I was a shareholder I wouldn't be happy with his performance as chairman (unless I was Chris Robinson, that is).

The Save Our Hearts movement looks pretty screwed at the moment. If they can prove that Robinson is withholding information from the chairman, they can probably tie this up in the courts for a while; they are a public company, after all, and subject to stricter standards than the usual crony-run football club. But as long as the current chief executive remains, Tynecastle will be sold, and Hearts will be homeless; a shocking situation.

Read - Scotsman.com Football

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Martin O'Neill furiously lashed out at his Rangers counterpart yesterday over allegations that he had spent #34m in building his championship team.

Read - Herald Sport

Gazzetta Football Scozia can exclusively make up reveal that O'Neill's retort was just the tip of an angry iceberg within Parkhead, with the board of directors particularly distraught at the claim.

"Celtic in their entire 116-year history have never spent as much as #34m," said a Parkhead insider, "And the board consider McLeish's claims to be a very serious attack on the biscuit-tin foundations of this club. Any attempt to suggest that we are anything other than extremely parsimonious will be refuted strongly."

Other Gazzetta sources state that Celtic's biscuit tin has room for no more than five million pounds, and that's only if they're in used hundreds rolled up really tight. This tin itself is a mark two version - up until Fergus McCann took over Celtic, the board still used the original tin in which Brother Walfrid collected donations at Celtic's first-ever game. This tin could officially hold up to three million shillings, although spectators at the time often estimated it to contain much more.

David Murray is believed to have several high-capacity biscuit tins, although none of the contents actually belong to him or his financial house of cards empire, Murray International Holdings. It is believed that Murray still holds one of the 'bottomless' biscuit tins provided by Scottish banks to finance ruinous late-90s spending by bankrupt SPL clubs.

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Curious coincidences on the way to White Hart Lane yesterday:
- walking up Highgate Hill behind a guy wearing the early-90s salmon-pink away Scotland top; this guy was reasonably well-dressed, had a full-on fake tan and a proper haircut, but was wearing no shoes or socks. A nouveau jakey?
- taxi to the ground took us down Hampden Road...
- ...on the way to the pre-match pub in Scotland Green.

Not much of a Scottish connection at the game, with Malky Mackay having left Norwich for West Ham earlier this week. Gary Holt played for Norwich and as well as providing some much-needed gingerness to the EPL, he had a decent game - I was very ready to slag him off as he is a bit one-paced and unfantastic, but second half he made some good interventions and covered his defence well. [Norwich's tactics were basically "defend like hell and get the ball to Huckerby up front" - almost paid off, too.]

England's #1 Paul Robinson was on display, but sadly Scotland's #1 was nowhere to be seen - Paul Gallacher was not even on the bench for Norwich, who had the excellent Robert Green between the sticks. Why did he leave the Arabs? I hope he got paid a huge amount of cash, because if he stays there long his career will be over. He can kiss goodbye to the Scotland job for as long he's third-choice in a relegation-candidate EPL team, that's for sure. Frustrating. We have few enough decent players, we can't afford to have them wasting away in obscurity.

Read - Scotsman.com - Football

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Report from a completely biased researcher at Sheffield University (never trusted those fancy higher-education "seats of learning") who claims Rangers fans are paranoid. Why would we be paranoid? It's just adding more fuel to the fire - the heavily Celtic-leaning media already makes us out to be neanderthals, and the left-wing government of Westminster are trying to destroy the British protestant tradition and Rangers with it. As the song goes: no-one likes us, we don't care... Paranoid? Never. Everyone knows the tims are the paranoid ones.

Read - Scotsman.com - Football

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Someone that has some experience to give a perspective on the Scotland manager's role - an article by Craig Brown, where he highlights Berti's passion for the game and the job.

However Craig's idea of making a video of Scotland's great World Cup moments (to inspire the younger players who have never played in a major tournament) strikes me as - to say the least - insane. Bremner's miss against Brazil? Cubillas' free-kick? Hansen and Miller colliding? Nicol's miss against Uruguay? Berti's boys will be hanging from the rafters in the changing room...

Scotland on Sunday - Football

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This unsigned article is a perfect example of the Scottish press's overblown sense of self-worth and their distorted view of the world.

As I've said before, from the day Vogts was mentioned as a candidate for the Scotland job, he's been bad-mouthed by the press - who openly admitted they called up their German buddies to get the "inside scoop." Hardly investigative journalism at its finest, but any more effort would mean they wouldn't be able to hit the pub for happy hour.

Two-and-a-half years of poison-pen letters later, Graham Spiers and co. have almost succeeded in their quest; in the popular mind it has become a question of 'when' not 'if' Berti gets the boot, and he may be as few as one bad result away from this, despite meeting the only test he was set - getting to the playoffs for Euro 2004.

But to get back to the point. The SFA have now hired an executive coach for Berti Vogts; someone specialising in the field of communications. For such a high-profile employee on such a large salary this is almost standard practice; hell, I've even had some exposure to such coaching, and I'm far from high-profile and I don't get paid anything like a Berti salary.

But it is decreed by our media that this coach is in fact a spin doctor (an interesting irony is that the media are the ones spinning the story, and the SFA again are left looking like chumps). A spin doctor deals with the media; he or she will take a message, or policy position, and work with friendly journalists and television channels to get this out into the public domain in a way that is favourable to the spin doctor's political party or employer.

An executive coach works one-on-one with an individual to improve a particular skill required for a role or task. This is generally done privately with the intention of providing a different perspective on or alternate approach to a situation.

Spot the difference.

The writer clearly understands the difference, because he refers to the individual as a "guru" which is not an unreasonable description, but the inverted commas are clearly there to disparage the individual and the role.

A further point is then made that Berti has failed in a "major" part of his job - to keep the hacks happy. The thinking behind this statement simply beggars belief... why should he give a f*ck what a bunch of third-rate drunks think? Clowns who have no football pedigree whatsoever, and who have been taking delight in every misfortune since his appointment.

Berti's mistake was in trying to cosy up to hack pack - he should have taken the McNeill/Souness approach and battered a few of the pricks. Maybe the SFA should employ Jim Watt.

Read - Scotsman.com Football

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"I knew I shouldn't have pissed on that grey box by the floodlights!"

[cheers Andy G]

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Hilarious comment from the coach of Brann Bergen, who signed ex-Dundee United playmaker "alleged to like a bit of" Charlie Miller: "We thought he would have natural fitness."

Anyone who had done any research at all on the once-promising youngster would know that a serious lack of natural fitness is his big problem, or at least it has been since he turned 20. Although, it wasn't so long ago that Jobby McCall was raving about the slimline Miller... so where did it all go wrong (again)? Are there fish and chip shops in Bergen?

Read - Scotsman.com Sport

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Google has started a discussion group service akin to Yahoo! groups - although it is in beta so may not make it to prime-time.

There aren't that many discussions at the moment but I did find a Tartan Army group - with just the one member at the time of writing. At least he isn't sad enough to post to himself. I wonder if it's Berti?

Go to - Google Groups

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The Scotsman photo gallery is definitely worth a gander every now and then. In the past I've scored a lovely 1977 'pitch invasion' print to match my 1977 'feeshel programme' - both are now framed and hang proudly in my office.

Read - Scotsman.com Photo Gallery



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Jose Antonio Reyes says Spain coach Luis Aragones has likened Scotland's style of play to San Marino... cheeky b*stard. I hope we go out there and gub them tomorrow with a display of silky passing football.

Spain are one of the few teams that can match us in terms of underperformance against potential in World Cup finals - we might be sh*te but at least we're not chokers. Stick that in your paella and eat it, Mr Aragones.

Read - BBC Sport [cheers Dan]

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Another class product for Celtic fans to spend their money on. Sometimes I'm glad Rangers didn't win the league, although I'm sure the same firm were producing very similar tat about a year ago in red, white, and blue...


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