Gazzetta Football Scozia

Everything you ever wanted to read about Montrose. Apparently they don't care much for Fifers, in particular East Fifers.

Read - Gable End Graffiti

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I was discussing life with an Everton-supporting friend of mine and asked him his view of McFadden. He reckons he's a good player but is being played (a) sporadically and (b) out of position, so his confidence is visibly ebbing.

The good news is that a poll on the Toffeeweb site shows that the Evertonians haven't given up on him - 45% think he should be given an extended run in the team. Good to hear.

View - James McFadden poll result

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...and when she's shagging Beckham, she thinks of Davie Weir.

If we're getting a change of manager, does this mean David Weir could come back into the international fold? After all, his departure seemed pretty directly linked to his dislike of Berti (or specifically, Berti blaming him for the Faroes debacle).

For: Premiership defender; getting a regular game for Everton (3rd in the league).
Against: Left us when we needed him; getting on a bit (34); nicknamed "Weir-do"; used to play for Hearts.

On balance? Assuming we don't qualify for Germany (and I still retain some hope...) he'll be 38 when Austria/Switzerland comes around. So give Russell Anderson & co a chance to learn at the top level.

Read - Toffeeweb profile of David Weir

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OK it's a cheap shot, but I've had these sitting around for a while and need to use them before it's too late. [Oh and while I'm at it: Tommy twists, Tommy turns, Tommy can f*ck right off as well.]

Although the SFA are taking their own sweet time about sacking Berti & co, I'm not that stressed about it; after the Moldova game there's a near-universal belief that it has to be done, and even the SFA concede as much. If they're doing it slowly to protect against a lawsuit (as has been rumoured - for damage to his reputation - beggars belief, doesn't it?) or to sort out the compensation situation as favourably as possible for Scotland, then I'm OK with it.

They also don't seem to be rushing out to get a new manager; this I'm a little more concerned about, as the vibe seems to be "there's no hurry - March is a long time away". I'd rather the new guy got in and had as much time as possible with his players (ie. including the Sweden game).

Wait and see, I guess. A few clues as to who's on the short-list might help. Is Guus Hiddink coaching at the moment?

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Apologies again for the shoddy camera on my Treo, but I took this pic in Chisinau:



You can't really see very well because the guy with the Glengarry is in the way, but the topless guy with his arms extended had the first few bars of "Flower of Scotland" tattooed on his lower back, with the words underneath. Radge or what.

Anyone that even contemplated going shirtless in the baltic conditions that night was clearly mental, but this guy won top prize.


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Gleaned from data collected from visitors to this site (don't worry, I can't identify you individually):

• 17% of you are Macintosh users
  
• You're all English speakers
  
• About 40% of you are in the Eastern US timezone with slightly less than 40% in the UK timezone. There's one reader who is in GMT-2 which means he or she must be in Greenland, Iceland, or crossing the Atlantic in a boat with an internet connection
  
• One or two of you are in Norway
  
• There are probably between 100 and 500 of you (nearer 100 if truth be told - get the word out, people!)
  
• You tend to visit more in midweek

In summary, you're a f*cking weird bunch and I'm glad I don't know most of you.

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Passing through Glasgow airport last weekend I was looking for something to read when I noticed the Celtic View had a front page of Billy McNeill holding aloft the European Cup with the headline, "Hail Cesar!"

I did a double-take, and couldn't bring myself to part with cash for the rag or even pick the thing up to check, but surely the house organ of CelticFootballClub couldn't have mis-spelled the nickname of one of their most famous players, captains, and managers?

Much to my dismay it turns out they didn't. Despite being labelled "Caesar" in every newspaper I ever read growing up, McNeill's nickname - as any proper Tim should be able to tell you - is allegedly derived from Cesar Romero, or at least it is according to the byline for his autobiography.

You live and learn. But who is Cesar Romero?

Doing a google search (I can't afford Lexis-Nexis) returns a host of links to an actor - and, no less, one who played the Joker in Batman (the Adam West TV series, not the Tim Burton movie).

So, was Billy McNeill's nickname less to do with his leadership prowess and more to do with his camp arch-villainy? I wasn't around in the 60s so don't really know if he engaged in dastardly deeds of crime; was he responsible for the 'acid bath' incident at Easter Road in 1968? Did he steal all the pies, causing fat men to be the target of suspicion for years to come? And just how did Celtic manage to win a European Cup?

But it turns out that the big man is named after the green-faced one - as McNeill himself clears up in this article in the Scotsman - although it was following a screening of heist movie Ocean's Eleven that the nickname originated (again, the 1960s one, not the recent George Clooney vehicle).

I guess there's no danger of John Hartson being labelled Brad Pitt after going to see Ocean's Twelve with Juninho, Lennon, and co...

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It shows the whole world is really a bit f*cked up when you can read an article on Margaret Hassan, the kidnapped Irish/Iraqi aid worker in Iraq, and at the bottom of the page be greeted with the question: "Who should be Scotland manager?"

Read - Sunday Herald
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Haven't been feeling so good the last few days - I went to bed early last night and woke up in the middle of the night feeling cold but sweating like the proverbial rapist. I thought I had a flu coming on but then I realised I might, just might, be in agreement with Chick Young; and that's enough to make anyone break out in a sweat.

Read - BBC Sport

Usually a banker, I can't even accuse him of hypocrisy because the St-Tropez-ed one has been fairly consistent in his approach to the Vogts situation - the players ain't good enough (see this search result for proof).

Almost everyone agrees that Vogts isn't getting the best out of the current crop of players, and his jotters need to be handed out, but he's in danger of becoming a scapegoat for everything that's wrong in Scottish football - which is clearly nonsense.

I'm not sure the analysis is quite as simple as Rangers and Celtic employing too many "furriners" at the expense of youth, causing the rest of Scottish football to follow suit - but clearly it's a combination of factors, including but not limited to lack of competition in the Scottish league; short-sightedness and inertia at the top levels of the SFA, and indeed most of its member clubs; systemic discrimination against smaller countries by UEFA; the fall of the Berlin Wall (Slovenia wouldn't exist!); the rise of standards in non-football countries (e.g. Norway); and the explosion in players' wages.

Untangling the web of causes to ascertain what actions are required is a big ask tough challenge - and one that the current leaders of Scottish football are just not up to.

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It's amazing what you can do with some Habitat oversize felt-covered fridge magnets...



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This is Ian Holloway, the QPR manager, explaining a recent dull victory by explaining it's like taking an ugly 'bird' (his word) home after a night out. She might not be the best looker, but you still do the business...

Not sure if this ranks up there with Peter Hetherston's "women should make my tea" sexist comments that forced him into resignation last season, but very funny nonetheless - especially when he recants somewhat to avoid getting in trouble with his wife.

Watch - Ian Holloway on Bore Me

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The footballer formerly known as Gazza has announced he is now to be known as 'G8'. I hope he's just taking the piss - if this is serious then, well, he's gone totally ga-ga.

Guardian Unlimited Football | News | Gazza's G8 new image

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According to an analysis in the Sunday Herald, Scotland still have a conceivable chance of qualifying for Germany, even if we lose to Italy in March. All that needs to happen is for Italy to win all their remaining games against Norway/Slovenia/Belarus; Norway to drop two points to Moldova over both games; Slovenia to take four points from Belarus then draw with Norway (home) and Moldova (away); and Belarus to lose in Moldova.

Then, assuming we beat Belarus home and away, and Moldova at home, we just need to win away to Slovenia while Belarus beat Norway at home. Easy!

And, as the Herald points out, we don't even need to take a point or more from Italy at home. Easier!

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The Observer last Sunday did a 'crap grounds of English football' survey, which was topped by Gillingham's Priestfield "Stadium", followed closely by Luton's Kenilworth Road - fitting as the article was inspired by a recent survey which listed Luton as the biggest dump in the UK.

The cheeky bastards at the Observer restricted their survey to English leagues "because there are too many crap grounds in Scotland." I've probably been to about half the grounds in Scotland, and I'm trying to rack my brains to figure out the worst.

I'll follow the Observer criteria:

We take into account the many factors that go towards making a crap ground - leaking roofs (when lucky enough to have a roof), long queues, seats designed for jockeys, rip-off prices, lack of atmosphere, PA announcers with speech impediments, weak tea, poor pies, strategically placed barbed wire and girders, neanderthal natives, crumbling terracing, smelly toilets, police who really need the overtime, and overall grimness. This being a subjective rather than a scientific survey, the weather and the result inevitably come into play. The journey to the game, and the crapness of the surrounding area are equally important.

If I were a fan of a team with a small away support I reckon Easter Road would be on the list, given you have to go right into Hibs territory and approach either from Leith Walk (many Hibees) or Regency Terrace (few polis) and then down narrow Easter Road across a wee bridge. Having said that, I've been there to see Dundee United and it wasn't scary.

Tannadice would probably be another - miles from the train station; a hodge-podge of bizarre stands including the joke "FIFA Fair Play Enclosure"; it used to have an awful uncovered away terracing where I spent probably the worst 90 minutes of my spectating career (freezing in December in torrential rain with only a thin jacket and Rangers top for company); and Dundee polis are massively unfriendly. There's not much separating it from Dens Park, but Dens is fractionally nearer the station and their ground has a wee bit more space without the restricted views from the main stand.

The old Parkhead - well, enough said. 17,000 Rangers fans split in two sections, one steward, one long running sewer for a toilet. At least the atmosphere was good. New Parkhead, while clearly built on the cheap, is much better.

Raith Rovers - how could I forget? - Starks Park is a dump, it's miles from the train station, Kirkcaldy is a hole. Enough said. While in Fife, I've never been to Central Park (Cowdenbeath) but I'm sure it would make the list.

I am pretty certain Cliftonhill is one of the worst, if not the worst, grounds on the planet; but I've never been there. So my winner would have to be Cappielow Park in Greenock. To be fair I haven't seen it in the last ten years but back in the day it had open seating on the away end (worse than open terracing in my opinion); rubbish facilities; and was in a well-dodgy part of a well-dodgy town. The only redeeming feature is the ground is only a couple of minutes from the train station (the appealingly-named "Cartsdyke").

Apologies to any Morton fans out there. Feel free to nominate alternatives...

Read - Observer Football

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eBay has a reputation for bargains but I'm not sure 1p + seventy quid P&P is a good deal for one soon-to-be-used national team manager... mind you it's less than David Taylor paid.

eBay item 5131245306

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Well now that I've officially joined the "Berti must go" brigade, who's up next? Strachan's the popular choice, but will he really want it?

I've been starting the "John Collins for Scotland" campaign. I don't think it's going to be successful but it's worth a listen. The guy was one of our best players in the 90s, experienced playing abroad, has a canny head on his shoulders, and scored against Brazil. He's measured in his approach and has been quietly getting his coaching credentials in order, ready to step into management.

The usual argument against him is "he's got no experience" but neither did Frank Rijkaard when he almost took Holland to victory in Euro 2000, and Rudi Voller wasn't exactly overloaded with management on his CV when he took an average Germany to the World Cup Final.

What I don't want to see is the older generation - George Graham, Bruce Rioch, Walter Smith - because I don't think they'll be radical enough.

And also, let's face it - regime change needs to happen at a higher level. Has the SFA really changed since the days of Ernie Walker, Jim Farry, and co?

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On a Netley Abbey Tartan Army sweatshirt:
"It ain't Moldova until the fat lady sings."

It's well and truly Moldova now.

Visit - Netley Abbey Tartan Army

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So it's off to Hampden for the Norway game, with a few new tunes ringing in the head... check out the Tartan Specials website to download 'Unite the Clans (I Have a Dream)' and a few other beauties.

Listen out for the Archie MacPherson commentary on Unite... from the 1977 Wembley game, he's describing the pitch invasion at the end. "Oh and the goalposts have just gone... I hope this doesn't get out of control."

Classic Archie - there are thousands of drunk Scots on the pitch, ripping up the grass, tearing down the goalposts, and he hopes it doesn't get out of control?

Visit - The Tartan Specials

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And that's Kelly Dalglish in the middle.



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Mark Wilson (who he?) in the Herald explains that the new league-format UEFA Cup had its origins in the proposal for an "Atlantic League" put forward in 2000 by PSV's chairman Harry van Raay.

Read - The Herald

If that's the case, then UEFA have done a top-notch stitch-up job on Europe's also-rans as this achieves nothing like the long-term goals of the original idea, which was to have a sixth league competing alongside the "Big Five" of Serie A, the EPL, the Primera Liga, the Bundesliga, and Le Championnat.

While I think the new format is interesting and novel - certainly having three Scottish teams in Europe past Thanksgiving is an abnormality since the 1960s! - long-term it doesn't really help Celtic or Rangers or PSV or Ajax or Benfica or Porto (yes, Porto) or Anderlecht etc etc compete on any sort of level playing field with Arsenal, Man U, Juventus, etc. Especially if they decide to carve up the TV rights so the bigger countries get the biggest slices of pie, like the Champions League.

But like the CIS Cup, if you win it, it matters.

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Continuing a theme from an earlier post:

Prince Harry Chris Burke

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Don't ask me why, but I was browsing the Deveronvale FC website (surprisingly good) and happened to glance at the player profile for their long-time servant Steve Dolan. Normally you expect footballers to be none too interesting in their choices, but Steve lists Fahrenheit 9/11 as the film he most recently watched, and Hilary Clinton's autobiography as the book he last read.

Read - Deveronvale FC 2004-05 Player Profile :: Steve Dolan

Rangers used to run a player profile in each of their home match programmes - maybe they still do, I don't buy programmes any more - and I remember being impressed that Ian McCall picked out Isabelle Adjani as his favourite actress. In fact, I was impressed that any Rangers player would know who Isabelle Adjani was.

At the time, Subway was one of my favourite films, and it might still be, I just haven't seen it for ages; Adjani then went on to make La Reine Margot (aka Queen Margot) in which protestants were slaughtered en masse in France. Perhaps an omen for the UEFA Cup draw tomorrow?

Read - Internet Movie Database - Isabelle Adjani
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Marvin Andrews gives credit for his first Rangers goal to "God". But is it his fault you've been a total diddy in every other game you've played for Rangers, Marvin?

Read - Scotsman Football

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Many have questioned the wisdom of Alex McLeish's summer signings for Rangers, especially with the benefit of hindsight (didn't hear too many complaints about Prso at the time).

However Gazzetta can exclusively reveal that McLeish has been scouring the continent for celebrity lookalikes, and is poised to build a team around footballing "looky-likeys".

Gregory Vignal Eric Cantona

Dado Prso Steven Seagal

With the news of a new #10m "angel investor" materialising on the horizon for Rangers, the agent of ex-Wimbledon star Vinnie Jones has been in contact with McLeish, claiming his player is a dead-ringer for "Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels" hardman actor Vinnie Jones and suggesting he will be available during the January transfer window.

Neither the player nor the actor was available for comment, but it is believed the player would welcome a return to football, and the actor would not stand in his way, provided a suitable deal could be arranged for image rights.

Don't Read - Daily Record

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While it is a relatively depressing time to be a Rangers fan, there are still small joy to be had in life; penalty shoot-out victories over second-rate Portuguese teams being one, and Celtic's continued ability to lose away from home in the Champions League being another.

Not unpredictably, O'Neill had a whinge at the ref after the game for having the temerity to clamp down on his thug-ridden team; this Daily Record non-story attempts to stoke the flames further by alluding to referee bias against Celtic, and inflammatory behaviour by - get this - swapping shirts with a Milan player. Not just any Milan player, but a dirty ex-Rangers Milan player, Rino Gattuso. Further fuelling the conspiracy theory, Chris Sutton was booked for a foul on Gattuso. Paranoid? Never.

As one punter on a Rangers forum commented, "Why would a good bluenose like Rino want a Celtic shirt?"

Giving the ref a shirt as a memento of a game is common practice in Italy; but never let the facts get in the way of a headline, because that would constitute journalism.

Don't Read - Daily Record

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Tenuous linkage to Scottish football (...he did play at Hampden once) but Martin Amis is one of my favourite writers and he discusses Maradona's autobiography in the Guardian. As expected some quite literary prose from the Amester, but one particular gem had me cackling: "Inside every fat man, they say, there is a thin man trying to get out. In the case of Maradona, it seems, there is an even fatter man trying to get in."

Read - Martin Amis on Maradona's autobiography - Guardian

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