Gazzetta Football Scozia

The South Koreans must have got Berti Vogts shambolic team performance confused with my mate Malky's ultra-shambolic palavers at the Korea-Scotland game back in 2002.

Read - Scotsman - Vogts in frame for South Korean job

Getting blazing drunk on whisky during the day, beer till last shout at the cafe outside the stadium before kickoff, going pure radge inside the stadium (Scottish crowd: approx 50; English crowd approx 150) by trying to start chants of "we f*cking hate England" (a bit rude, old chap) and then attempting to invade the pitch at half-time. He only stopped because the sweet wee Asian security guard smiled and asked him to.

Half-time went better 'cos he got the email address of a fourteen-year-old girl, without any money changing hands.

Downhill again after the third goal went in, a snide smile from a fat southern wanker had Malky reaching for his fists at which point the wee 'sensible' bell started ringing somewhere inside his crazy mixed-up heid and he decided it would be best all round to return to the bar and wait out the game for us with a quiet pint.

So later at the bar, after engaging friendly local ladies with chat-up lines like "so why dae ye eat dugs?" (hit ratio: 0%) he laid forth on Scottish independence to a large table of Hong Kong expats, heavy with drink. They were even heavier with drink when the Malkster stood up to go to the lavvy and knocked the table over... somewhat reducing the profundity of his argument.

Clearly, Malky - not Berti - is the man to get the South Korean game back on track.
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From the Scottish edition of the Sunday People today:



[cheers gomacgers]
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"Every Friday before a game I would have a Chinese and a couple of pints."

Those were the days... I have a game tomorrow morning so it's a quiet night in for me and I'm even avoiding the temptation of warming up a wee steak and cheese pie (from DUB Pies, of course).

Read - Observer Football [cheers Kenny]
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...and this is nothing like taking it one game at a time.

Read - Sporting Life - Novo believes title can now be won

Might be a little bit more credible if we were even top of the league... and more than a month into the season...

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Missing in all this is a small but ironic parallel of an incident in Strachan's own career.

One minute in to the Scotland-Uruguay "group of death" WC 1986 match and the wee ginger one is felled by a brutal chop - the ref pulls out a red and the "scum of world football" (per Ernie Walker, SFA chief at the time) are down to 10 men.

19 years later, Alan Thompson flies into Nacho Novo and just about manages to miss his kneecaps. Immediate red card again. You'd think it would bring back some memories for wee Gordy, but it doesn't seem to register.

Read - Scotsman

Of course the rational reason for the red is that a flying tackle is now an automatic red card offence - and about time too.

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Ever wanted to punch Neil Lennon in the face? Now you can.

Barry Ferguson is up there too if you're from the other side.

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Bizarrest thing tonight... was just about to switch off the TV but it was tuned to Fox Soccer Channel and showing a game, so I watched for a few seconds. Straight away the team in blue scored - and the scorer was called Rozenthal. Sebastian Rozenthal. And he looked exactly like the former Chilean international Sebastian Rozenthal who Rangers signed in the mid-90s, who then got seriously injured and missed the World Cup in 1998.

Which wouldn't be so bad except this was the USL Soccer League - aka the US Second Division - which is frankly pretty rank. I did a bit of digging and yes, he signed for the Puerto Rico Islanders recently...

Read - BigSoccer forums

I guess it's good that he's still playing but sad that such a promising career took such a nosedive.
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More proof that we invented proper football...

Read - The Global Game

Interesting site - looks like a lot of unusual material on it.

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Take the test - should only take a minute or two of your time.

I'm Gordon Smith - "You seem to have a bit of everything as far as football pundit personality traits are concerned. Don't get too annoying!"
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At the time of writing, if you type "Graham Spiers" into Google, you get a Gazzetta article as the second item returned. Am I proud or what!

Google Graham Spiers

Funnily enough I was playing 5-a-side tonight with a guy who was new to the team - and talking with him afterwards it turns out he works at Google. Wonder if he can get me to #1 in the Spiers charts?
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Looks like Dr Death has been taken out of his coffin and warmed up for the Dundee United "one game in Europe" tour.

Read - Courier Sport

I mean, Jim McLean never smiled but this guy's grim fizzog puts the fear of God into me. And that's his publicity photo!

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Bitter in tone but raises good points about Murray's dealings, which are always a bit Maxwell-esque (*) for my tastes.

Read - Murray, Rangers, and the ENIC deal

To be fair to DM he put an awful lot right by backing up last year's share issue with his own capital - although from what I believe, not quite as much as he said he would. But still, he pulled Rangers out of the very big hole he dug them into.

(*) Enron-ite to the younger or non-UK-resident readers

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While I recently bemoaned my infrequent posting, I can tell you in advance you probably won't be hearing from me until the end of next week as I'm off into the wilderness of Idaho on a whitewater rafting trip - and as best I know I'll be cut off from the world. Wish me luck.
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Scotsman Football - Balde gets his timing right for once

Balde may have got his timing right as far as the Scotsman is concerned but he makes me look like a pillock for having penned this just last week. Oh well.

Bit shabby of the writer to blame poor Bobo for Celtic losing the UEFA Cup though. Stephen Halliday used to edit the Rangers News so maybe he's just highlighting the fact Balde's a bit of a diddy, or, it could be a typical Scottish journo hack-job, planting a story on Celtic's behalf to gain a favour for later in the season. Sad, but you never can tell.

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No, this isn't the lead-in to some sick joke but a site packed with soccer-watching Asian tipsters, and your man Hitoshura is suggesting a flutter on the Famagustans at "+1/2 win 1.98".

Read - Hitoshura on Rangers-Famagusta

Frankly I've no idea if that means he thinks Rangers will lose or win, but he has a 22% yield so far this year which seems impressive, so it might be worth your while to find out.
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Kinda sad but for some reason in a dream the other night I distinctly remember Hearts winning 5-0 against Hibs (I didn't see any of the game though). In fact this morning (Saturday) I thought that maybe the game had been an early kick-off and I'd seen the score on Sporting Life.

But no, the game is tomorrow (Sunday) and who knows what the score will be... but I'd be a bit freaked if it was 5-0.

An Irish friend went to Malta and Croatia a few years back on an all-expenses trip paid for by an Irish Buddhist mate of his who had a premonition about an Ireland game (can't remember which one but maybe a Romania tie?) and he put a load of cash on it and won... so paid for my mate to go. (*)

Yet another reason why we should ditch the Catholic-Protestant nonsense. I mean, how many times have the Pope or Ian Paisley won a few grand at Ladbroke's based on a tip from the big man?

Read - Scotsman.com Football

(*) I'm not making this up, honest
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While I have limited sympathy for Man U's situation - they chose to become a plc and in doing so have been up for sale for the last ten years - the impact of Glazer's new policy as described in a recent Guardian article is not good for Scottish football.

It looks like Glazer will encourage Ferguson (or his successor) to search for Bosman deals - money will be spent on high wages to attract top-class out-of-contract players, often on pre-contract agreements (Sagnol and Ballack being mentioned here as target for summer 2006). This is a strategy that Alex McLeish has been actively pursuing over the past few years - most notably with Jean-Alain Boumsong. If Man U start doing it, so other teams are likely to follow, with the market becoming a lot more American in style - no transfer fees and ever-more-spectacular wages paid to top players. There will be the occasional anomaly of a club like Chelsea, or Real Madrid, throwing around big money but it will be rarer and rarer as teams compete on wages for what used to be known as "free transfers".

All of which further marginalises teams who cannot command big TV audiences and the money that follows ie. most teams outside England, Spain, and Italy.


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So Hearts are going to have pyrotechnics and face-painting at Tynie this year:
Scotsman.com Sport - Football - Pyrotechnic display will ensure Edinburgh derby goes with a bang

Bah humbug - load of pish. Half the fun of going to the game is being miserable. Quoth Fireworks Phil Anderton, Chief Jambo: "When we lose 1-0 to someone unexpectedly, people will leave saying that on the whole they still enjoyed their day out."

Day out? Day out? A football match is not a day out, it's not a spectacle, it's not an "event" - it's your life, mate. When you lose unexpectedly 1-0 you go home (or to the pub) pissed off, whinge about the ref or your diddy manager or the cheating b*stards on the other team, and then look forward to the next game - because you'll be there next time, regardless, and you don't give a shit if there will be catherine wheels or unicyclists or bouncy bloody castles, or not.

Family game my arse. Bring back uncovered terracing.

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Jump to the end of this article, and you'll see a classic line from Bobo Balde's agent - "If he wanted to leave, he would have done so in the summer when he had a number of offers." Now, you can argue whether zero is or isn't a number, but as I remember it the timeline went something like this:

Just before the end of the season - Balde making noises about leaving
End of the season - Balde definitely going, too right, just waiting for the offers to roll in, Germany, Italy, Spain?
Beginning of the close season - Balde sitting on the couch watching the phone, every now and then checking the cord to make sure it's plugged in
Near the end of the close season - Balde calling Neil Lennon on his cell to ask him to call back on his home number to make sure it's working
Pre-season training - Balde realises he's up for another year with Stan Varga and thinks to himself: aw naw.

Read - Herald Sport


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OK, here's an idea I've been mulling over for a while.

As regular Gazzetta readers will notice, I've been pretty quiet over the summer - and that wasn't intentional. I was just ridiculously busy with work, travel, work-related travel, and a couple of side ventures to boot, so I didn't even have time to think about posting, never mind do it, even if an internet connection was near. Even now, I'm still really busy and should be clearing out my work inbox, not writing this.

Also, I am aware of a slight bias towards Rangers (I know! I know!) and (in terms of quantity of material) to the OF in general, which is not a healthy thing because, well, some people don't like the OF and there is enough written about them already.

So: I'd like to try an experiment, and throw open the doors of Gazzetta to one or two interested punters to contribute. I can set you up with write acccess to Gazzetta if you can set up a (free) blogger account, and then we can see how it goes.

Some rules:
- while I am more than happy to bring in alternative points of view, your style should be similar in tone to mine ie. not too serious and no bigotry/racism etc - Billy preaches a message of love and tolerance
- please, no bad spelling, that really annoys me
- must be willing to contribute several posts per week - otherwise, what's the point?
- I reserve the write to delete any posts for any reason whatsoever, and I may choose to pre-approve all posts not by me; however I will never edit your posts - they will either be published in their entirety or not published at all
- all posts will be published under whatever name you choose to give yourself
- if it's not working for me, the experiment will stop
- you don't get paid - I don't make money off this, nor will you
- I can add more rules at will.

Really, that's not too restrictive, so go for it. email me with some sample posts or actual work you've done, and we'll take it from there.
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I saw this headline and thought that a large pre-match bong is an innovative way to gain an upper hand before kick-off, but they're referring to the replacement of East End Park's artificial surface with regular non-smokable cows-eat-it grass.

BBC Football - Pars' grass ready for Inverness

My feelings on this are mixed - I play regularly in NYC amateur soccer leagues and any grass pitch in the city is in such a shocking state that playing on the new 'fieldturf' artifical surfaces is a bonus; however I've also played on top-quality grass surfaces (most notably in a Finnish stadium that 24hrs earlier hosted HJK Helsinki in a UEFA Cup tie) and absolutely nothing can beat the real thing.

There are clearly financial and community benefits in having an all-weather surface that can be used 24/7, but in the end I have to side with the professionals who make their living from the game - and even the Dunfie players are pro-grass which says it all, really. But, as artificial turf improves, expect this question to be revisited - and some of the 'wee teams' to go plastic again.

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BBC Football - Tarachulski has premier ambition

The new Craig Brewster, eh?


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All we need now are rapes, racial assaults, indecent assault, assault and battery, avoiding a drug test, speeding, speding very very fast, having your wee brother murder someone, borrowing a bus to go round london, stealing a pneumatic drill to drill a hole next to the bus, and Delia Smith, and we'll have way more coverage in "Hello" magazine than the EPL ever could. And if Sean Connery turns up to see it...

Soccer365 - Hibs star hurt in bar brawl
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Boro fan with keyboard upset at missing out on Lovelypants aka Rosencrantz:

Read - ComeOnBoro - Unofficial Middlesbrough News and Views

Word on the street, well from inside the dressing room, is that McLeish has wanted Blue Peter out pretty much since day 1. Is it because he's homophobic, perhaps?
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Wish I could work in Tokyo and write about Scottish football.

Read - J. Walking in The Japan Times

Nakamura reminds me of Juninho - except it sounds like he's a bit fatter. Definitely remains to be seen if he turns out like that (though to be fair he never seemed to get much of a chance) or he can be Larsson-esque which is what the hooped ones are hoping.

More likely, he'll turn out to enigmatic and ultimately lightweight, kinda like blows-hot-and-cold Thomas Buffel.
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It's happened - the Scotsman is starting to charge for articles. Not sure if it's worth $50 to me - the content and the site is better than the Herald, but let's face it, the stories are basically the same.

Scotsman.com Member Centre
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The Assare Original Pay All Special Raffles trophy, where Hearts take on Kotoko:
Soccer News of Tuesday, 2 August 2005

As long as Henry Smith isn't in goal, you've got a chance.
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Landed in Billy's inbox:

Glasgow Programmes has opened a new city centre shop that is certain to be a great asset to all football fans - give it a visit!

The shop is located in 2nd Floor Units 28/29 Savoy Centre, Glasgow City Centre, handy entrances are on Sauchiehall Street, Renfrew Street & Hope Street - Go up the escalator, take the first left and it's the 3rd shop on the right!

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Unfortunately I didn't state it in public, only in a private email conversation, but I had this nagging fear that if anyone could overcome a 5-0 first-leg Euro humiliation it would be Celtic in front of a full house at Parkhead. However my actual prediction was glorious failure, that staple of Scottish national football, and that was what we got.

Which allows articles like the following to be written... which is fairly reasonable I suppose, but no doubt tomorrow's Record will be a shameless 180-degree reversal of everything they've been saying in the past week.

Read - Jon West at Sporting Life

In the afterglow of this not-quite-a-moral-victory victory, it should not be forgotten that Celtic's defence still has some fairly serious flaws and it will take more than one game against a hitherto-unknown bunch of journeymen to show they have overcome them. Strachan is bigging up the return of Agathe and Kennedy, so the biscuit tin seems to have snapped firmly shut - either as a consequence of being empty or boardroom nervousness about Strachan being the one to spend the contents, who can say - so there doesn't seem to be much room to maneuver for the short ginger one. Wait and see.

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Seems like Scotsport hasn't gotten any better since last season. Mass Hibsteria deconstructs the first of this season's nonsense.

Read - Mass Hibsteria - New Season, Same Old Scotsport

Honestly, Hibee friends, it's no better watching as an Old Firm fan.

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"Livi were reduced to ten men, allowing the Ibrox men to win easily."

From that statement you'd never realise Rangers were already 2-0 up with just 15 minutes to go...

Match Report - www.liviultras.com
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A Rangers man with an East End sense of paranoia gives an account of recent events:
Read - OpenFootball

Souness and O'Neill both lost their first competitive games for Celtic - so is this a good omen for Strachan?

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